Damn the internet!

My eyes! Damn the internet! I ended up finding out more about people then I wish I knew! I thought about what my old friends look like, how they are doing, where they are, etc… Now I know without ever having meeting them again though the wonder of the internet.

Out of curiosity, I checked out My Space just to see if I could look up people I once knew. I was shocked, I found most of them. As for the old friends I found, I feel out of place, they all have little kids and are in relationships. I am divorced and childless. They seem to be big on their religions, me, I’m an atheist. And of course, they all are straight, I am not. Even though they’ve aged and some have gained weight, I can still recognize them. They post so much personal information about themselves online! And so many pictures of themselves and their kids! And in some cases, way too much detail about their sex lives...

But the one person I found on there that shocked me the most, was a family member. Now, keep in mind that I myself am not straight, I’m bisexual…I looked up my nephew on MySpace and I found out something. He’s gay! In fact, he said he wished he worked in a gay strip bar. I feel sorry for him, not because he’s gay or because of the strip bar part, but because I know he is in the closet. And I know what that feels like to pretend to be someone you’re not. Now, I have always thought my nephew was gay (I guess it’s my gaydar at work), but I never said anything to any of the other family, nor do I intend to. I might say something to him in person, when I see him alone. Tell him that I’m not straight. See what happens.

So much for my idea of contacting people though MySpace. I could, but what reaction would I get? I suspect not good. I’d probably scare off my old childhood friends and I might embarrass my nephew just by finding him on there.

The Loss of a Peridot.

I hate losing things. It seems like everything in life I have any attachment to I loose in one way or any other. This time it was a little peridot necklace that someone who I cared about and was very close to gave me. I have no idea what the monetary value was, but to me it had great sentimental value. This isn’t the first time I’ve lost a piece of jewelry, I’ve lost many a pendent… most notably though breaking or being stolen. But this little one, this one was thrown away by accident (not by me).

Because I don’t wear much jewelry, I don’t have a jewelry box. I didn’t want the delicate gold necklace to get tangled in with some other piece of jewelry so I put it in it’s own bag. That was my mistake, because it was small and alone, it apparently was mistaken for an empty bag and discarded. I thought it was safe on the table, that no one would mess with it, I was wrong.

It saddens me, I know it was “only a thing” and I never really wore it much, but I loved my little peridot necklace and I’ll never see it again. It also makes me sad because it makes me feel as though it is representative of my life, in that if I value something and attach a great deal of emotion to it, I end up loosing it. Things that I don’t care about, I never seem to loose. Only things that matter.

Caged, Sad, and Lonely

I love birds, they are my favorite animals and I like to call them feathered friends. Do I own any birds? No, and I’ll why; I no longer believe in owning other living things. At one time I used to have aviaries full of various species and I used to bred and sell them. It can be very profitable for humans, but at what cost to the birds? There are many people who take excellent care of their feathered friends, but there are just as many if not more that abuse and neglect them. Most of this is not even intentional on the humans part, they do not know what caring for a bird entails. Pet stores are not much help in this area. Most people do not understand how intelligent birds are and how when locked away in cages and left alone for hours without companionship is devastating to them. I’ve heard many people ask and wonder why their parrot is plucking his own feathers out and why she is becoming so aggressive and/or possessive of toys. This is why; your bird is bored, lonely and he’s trying to express himself, act out his feelings.

Birds are highly social creatures and their survival depends on being part of a flock. In the Wild, most of their live is spent flying together, playing, searching for food, preening each other, nesting…they are never alone. But in captivity, all too often birds spend their entire lives unable to stretch or use their wings (which are often cut), confined to cages too small for them, and deprived of the companionship of other birds which they need. People often assume birds will be content to sit on a perch and sing or talk; nothing can be further from the truth. Parrots, especially, want to go and manipulate objects with their beaks and feet. They are like apes, they need to play with things and use them like tools.

I love birds and of all the pets I’ve had, they were my favorite. However I do not recommend getting them as pets, particularly from pet shops. If you are familiar with what a puppy mill is, you should know there are also the equivalent for birds (complete with poor breeding). This is where the majority of pet shops get their baby birds from. The babies are taken away from their parents when they are hatchlings, sometimes even before they hatch. The idea is that hand feeding the birds makes them more tame. This is not true, I know for personal experience having raised birds. Continued contact with humans makes them tame, not taking them away from their parents. All that one needs to do is spend time handling and holding each fledgling when you clean their nest boxes. You can supplement their feeding with formula, but nothing can replace the feeding their can get from their parents. It is important for birds to socialize with other birds. The birds in these bird factories are often kept in deplorable conditions, in small filthy cages in poorly lit environments. Disease is wide spread and death is common. Picture a concentration camp for parrots.

If you do want to take care of birds, I highly suggest adopted one or more from a bird sanctuary. Many pet birds end up there because people get tried of taking care of them and do not release that parrots have about the same life span of a human being. Often they are really sweet birds. Don’t support pet shops and the bird pet trade.

Death

Am I obsessed or preoccupied with death? Yes, one could say that. I am interested in anything taboo and death still is taboo. Not many people like to talk about it; it is not something you bring up in polite conversation. It makes people uncomfortable. Yet, everyone dies, everyone has known or will know someone who is dead. There is no escaping death. Not yet anyways. (Although I do hope that one day science will remedy this.) Death is very tragic, and perhaps the most tragic things about it--is that the world goes on after you die. And, unless you are remembered by the living, the memory of you will fade away and it will be as if you never existed.

Many people hope for an afterlife, in fact the plan on it. All too often letting life pass them by thinking naively that they can make it up in the next life. This is not a conscious decision, but takes place in the unconscious mind. I believe one of the main reasons people adopt a religion is out of fear of death, a deep desire to believe that life doesn’t end, and to be comforted in their losses. In a way, I feel a slight tinge of jealously of those who can so readily believe in an afterlife, as I am afforded no such luxury. My eyes have been open and they cannot be shut.

People take life for granted because they do not believe in death; they like to believe that when they die, they aren’t really dead. To deny that death is final is to cheat yourself. You cheat yourself out of really getting to say your final goodbyes to your loved ones because you believe you’ll see them again. You cheat yourself out of truly being able to grieve the loss of someone you care about. Most of all, you cheat yourself out of life. The most important thing death teaches us is that we must truly appreciate and savior life. Coming to terms with the gravity of death is one of the most sobering things there is. When you realize that your life is short, that you do not have all the time in the world; you go out and enjoy life as much as you possibly can.

Knowing that everything is fleeting deepens my joy that I take in living and gives me perspective. That awareness that you do not have all eternity, that you can not just drift along waiting for your real life to begin at some point in the future. We must acknowledge that this is it, this is not a rehearsal but the big concert; not the practice but the game itself.

War, Illegal Immigration, and Voting

My take on war is this; I believe America should defend itself against invasion. And if you are going to go to war, you should annihilate your enemy, not just weaken temporarily and piss them off even more. I am so sick of hearing about the Middle East! The war on terror is dragging on an on and more and more of our soldiers are getting killed. America has more urgent matters to take care of right on our borders with Mexico. Instead of defending our own borders against the invasion from Mexico, the current leaders are sending our troops of overseas to fight other countries wars and to work as peacekeepers. Don’t kid yourself, we are being invaded by Mexico. Their plan is clever and it is working. It is basically the reverse of what White folks did in Texas long ago. Texas used to be part of Mexico, Mexico let the Whites settle in Texas and eventually the White folk outnumbered the Mexicans. The new Texans decided to succeed from Mexico. And the rest is history.

I have heard from pretty dumb arguments about illegal immigration, but by far the dumbest was one given to me a few years back that went like this “We should legalize immigration that way all the illegal immigrates won’t be illegal.” My gods, how dumb can you get? Immigration IS legal; you cannot legalize something that is already legal. It is not that hard to get into America legally, granted it may take some time, but there are reasons for that, such as criminal background checks. The reason people are against ILLEGAL immigration is because it is breaking the law. The laws were put into place to protect American citizens. Uncontrolled immigration creates chaos and severally disrupts a country, that is why America and other nations around the world have set limits as to how many people they let in each year.

Another bogus argument I’ve heard often is that the illegal aliens are doing work that American’s won’t do. Bullshit. The illegal aliens are doing work that American’s won’t do for the dirt cheap pay that employers are paying the illegals. Both the American citizen and the illegal alien are being taken advantage of, the only one’s profiting from this arrangement are big business. Now, I’ll give you that some of the illegal aliens are very hard workers, but in general you get what you pay for. If you are paying someone next to nothing to do a job that you would normally have to pay an American citizen 16 to 23 dollars an hour to do, you more than likely going to get a shitty job. A good example of this is in the construction industry, which as been going to hell in a hand basket once contractors found out that they can hire illegal aliens to do the job for chump change. Go to most construction sites and you will find that the quality of construction is not as good as it used to be and that most if not all the workers do not speak English. Many American construction workers have found themselves out of work because their bosses found it more profitable to hire illegal aliens then pay them decent wages. So don’t try to tell me that illegal aliens are only doing the work American’s won’t do.

Soon the illegal aliens, most of which are Hispanic, will no longer be a minority in this country, they will be the majority and in fact already are in some parts. When this happens, do you honestly think that they will not want to succeed from the USA and form their own nation? I mean, if I were them I would. Most of the illegal aliens are illegal because they do not want to and are not interested in becoming US citizens, they are however interested in earning money to feed and support their families. And America, the land of milk and honey, offers opportunities that places such as Mexico and other Central and South American nations do not have. I can’t blame someone for wanting a better life and for trying to feed their family; however when you have a such mass exodus from other countries of people who have no interest in becoming American citizens into our nation, and who enter and reside in our nation illegally, it creates a huge problem.

Politicians eager to get votes see the future on the horizon and realize that today’s illegals may be tommorrow’s voters so they pander to them. The Democrats and Republicans are both vying for “the Hispanic vote” as they call it by making it easier for illegal immigration. As most politicians are also aware, many American’s are too damn lazy to get off their couch and vote them out of office. Instead, the Americans who do vote often vote for what they consider the lesser of two evils instead of voting for who they think is the best candidate. Trying to pick the winner is not the way to vote folks. If more people voted, and voted for who they would really want to see in office you would have a wider variety of political parties in office instead of the two party system which is corrupt. But many people do not want to have to say, “my guy lost the election”. They want to feel as if their vote counts, so they chose between the two major parties, because it increases their chances of picking a winner.

This election, I voted for some democrats, some republicans, some greens, some libertarians, some independents, and some reform. I don’t give a shit if the person I voted for actually wins, I try to pick who I think is the best candidate for the job and I pay no attention to what party they are listed as. I read their political platform, look at their voting record, read transcripts of speeches they’ve made, etc… and base my opinion on that. I never vote for the lesser of two evils. That’s how you end up with bad presidents.

But I digress. My point was that we Americans ought to pay more attention to what is happening in our own backyard instead of focusing all our attention on the neighbors down the road.

What's wrong with hedonism?

What's wrong with hedonism? Nothing in my book, mind you a lot of people do not feel as I do though. In spite of the sexual revolution of the 60's today's culture is still horribly repressed. Sex is seen as worse then violence. The public is offended by nudity to the point where the government covers up statues that show nude breasts. Which is worse? Taking someone's life or indulging in consensual pleasure with another human? Too many people are prudes and unfortunately some of those who run the government are prudes. A large part of this has to do with their religion. Mind, you not all Christians are prudes, but I have never ever seen a Fundamentalist Christian who wasn't prudish. Sex and pleasure of any kind is seen as a sin against god. This is why they want to ban and have in the past made laws against things that don't hurt anyone, just offends them.

I used to be a prude, back when I was still a Christian. I would have fit in well in the Puritan days with the mindset I once had. But over the years and the course of my life, I learned many things. I changed my mind, changed my religion, and changed my political views. I had to, I couldn’t go on pretending to be someone I wasn’t, it wouldn’t be right. Now, I suppose I’d fit in more with the Hippies in the 1960’s then the Puritans of the 1600’s. I’ve shocked people by telling them that I do not want to get married. It is assumed that all women want to get married. I’ve been told it’s the normal, natural thing to do. Well I guess I am not normal then. *smirks* I don’t feel like I could be happy being married. I’ve been there and done that, and while I have no regrets about having been married, I do not wish to do it again. What freaks people out more is when I tell them I like the idea of open relationships, free love, and of polyamory. (Yes, I know it’s not all the same thing.) It’s a shame that people will jump to the conclusion that I am promiscuous or untrustworthy because I have these ideas. It’s their loss not mine. People also incorrectly assume that because of my views and sexual orientation, that I would be incapable of being faithful. I consider faithfulness to be a virtue and have always been faithful when in a relationship. That being said, I have tried monogamy, tried heterosexual relationships, and have found them not to suit me. It is up to each person to find what makes them comfortable and happy, no one can or should dictate how you ought to life your life.

Life is too short to not have fun. As long as you don't harm anyone (this includes yourself), go out and go after the things in life you love. I may not be a Wiccan, but I do like their rede, “And it harm none, do what you will.” Some may say I hold an immature view, that life should be full of fun and pleasure. So? Is it then better and more mature to view life as having to be miserable and full of pain and suffering? I think not. Yes, there is misery, pain, and suffering in this life, but I say we should try to keep it to a minimal and seek out and enjoy pleasure.

Hedonism doesn't just apply to sex, although that's what first comes into mind. It can also apply to the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the car you drive, etc... Why not relish in eating the most decadent food you can afford? Why not treat yourself to nice things if you can? Why not buy your dream car? Don't let life pass you by. Take pleasure in everything you can and enjoy every moment. People in my life often criticize me for buying very expensive items. Hey, it’s my money; I earned it by working hard and I feel I should have the right to spend it as I see fit.

Too often people spend their lives waiting, thinking someday they will get to do the things they dream about. But the sad reality, they get too old or too sick to live out their dreams. Tim McGraw has a song called “Live like you are dying", in that song the guy who is told he doesn't have much time left goes out and does things like bungee jumping and riding a bull, etc... While the message is good, how many people do you know who have been diagnoses with a terminal illness that are well enough to go out and do stuff like that? By the time you get that death sentence you would be too weak and in too much pain to go out and do things like that.

I am a hedonist, and an unrepentant one at that. I refuse to go quietly into the dark night. I indeed to live my life to the fullest and if that offends people, that's they're problem. I have spent too much of my life already trying to fit into other people's boxes of what my life should be. When I die, I want to have no regrets. I want to know that I lived out all my fantasies and dreams.

Similar Minds Test

Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. (Yes, that sounds like me.)

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. (You only live once, so you might as well have as much fin as you can.)

Extraversion results were very high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity. (Hey, I am very much into pursuing and developing my own interests to a fault sometimes.)

Trait snapshot: messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, unpredictable, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, craves attention, social chameleon, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, vain, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting.

(Now, how can I "like to stand out" and yet "like to fit in"? Hmm... Most of this is accurate though.)

To take this test follow the link: http://similarminds.com/global-adv.html

Find a Man?

It seems to be assumed by many people that every woman wants and needs a man in her life, at least this is the impression I get. All the time I get people telling me that I'll find a man; that I'll one day get married again and settle down. They tell me that they feel sorry for me that I don't have a boyfriend. I'm sorry, when did they get to decide what I need and what would make me happy? First of all, I understand people maybe trying to be nice, but it is nevertheless insulting. I try to explain to people why I do not have a boyfriend, but it goes in one ear and out the other.

I believe it is very harmful to teach or otherwise give the impression to little girls that they need a man to take care of them when they are grown. It creates a learned helplessness and dependance. Not very many men are going to want to take care of a grown woman unless they are older rich men who want a trophy wife half their age. A lot of young women these days are under the impression that they need a boyfriend or husband to make their life complete and in order to be happy. This is not true, no one else can complete you or make you happy; that's something you have to do yourself. If you are not happy with life being single, just being in a relationship isn't going to change it. Too often people jump from one relationship to another without spending time being single and learning who they are. Many young people go from living with their parents into living with a boyfriend or girlfriend never having the opportunately to live all by themselves. And many people jump from one relationship into another without taking enough time for themselves. You have to get over a relationship before you can move onto another one, otherwise a part of you will still be holding on to that past relationship and you'll bring baggage into your new one. And if it was a very serious relationship, like marriage, you may never fully get over it; but you should still take time to recover, so to speak.

I don't need to be in (any) relationship to be happy or to feel good about myself. I am young and I have my whole life ahead of me. I took that road of "getting married and settling down" and it wasn't for me; I am not going to make the same mistake twice. Relationships can be wonderful and enrich your life, but they can also be stressful and time consuming. Yes, I may be selfish for wanting to look out for myself first, but that's just who I am and I make no apoligies. I have no intention of going out and looking for a relationship, no desire to have a boyfriend, and no plans on getting married again. If I happen to met someone in the future, so be it; chances are it will be a woman though. I have important things to do with my life. I want to do things that you simply cannot do if you are tied down (unless of course you are tied down with a like minded and freespirit). I want to be able to travel, pursue my own interests, continue my higher education, and have some impact on the world.

Girls and young women ought to be encouraged to go to college and start a career of their own and not be dependant on someone else. Because being dependant one someone else for your livelihood and/or your happiness can be a path to misery. But unfortunately, girls and young women are not only encouraged but often times expected to find a man and get married. I have nothing against marriage, but I do believe you ought to get married for the right reasons not because it's something you are expected to do.

Assumptions

I am amused by the way in which people will assume things. I decided to do a little expierement, in the course of conversation with various people I reffered to "Jack" as a friend and then I reffered to "Jill" as my girlfriend. Now, what I think if funny is that most people automatically assumed that my male friend was my boyfriend and that my female friend was just my friend. I suspect this is because they were not listening closely or more likely because of the confusing way in which people use the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". I for one have never liked the usage of those words for that very reason. A woman can call her female friend her girlfriend and no one will raise an eyebrow; but if a guy was to call his buddy his boyfriend...everyone would assume he's gay.

Looking at me, most folks would assume I am straight because I am very femminate looking. If I was a man, and I reffered to someone as my girlfriend, there would be no question what I meant; same as if I reffered to a guy as my friend, everyone would most likely assume I meant exactly what I said and nothing more. But because I am a woman, people assume without asking what I meant.

I think people ought to be more creative in reffering to the people whom they are romantically involved with. Here are some ideas: beau, companion, crush, date, fiance, fiancee, flame, gentleman caller, heartthrob, inamorato, lover, main man, main woman, man, woman, paramour, squeeze, steady, suitor, sweetheart, significant other, better half, sugar, honey, dear, baby, numero uno, mate, beloved, angel, partner, darling, courter, loved one, doll, lady, ladylove, truelove, wife, husband, mistress, sex slave. (Ok, you're probably not going to want to introduce someone as your sex slave in most cases...unless you and everyone else has a sense of humor.)

When introducing someone or talking about them in conversation I usaully just reffer to them by their name and keep it at that. If someone is curious enough, they can ask. To me, the terms boyfriend or girlfriend sound a little on the childish side, plus they can be confusing to some. My conversation expierement has taught me that people have vivid imaginations and love to make assumptions, it doesn't bother me...but it does crack me up.

My Thoughts on Restaurants

There seems to be a shortage of decent menu items at most (adverage) restaurants these days. The prices of meals continues to increase, as does the over-sized portions, whereas the actual quality of the meal is, how shall I say, lacking.

At the typical restaurant you'll find the adverage meal per person costs about $20+, not inculding drinks or anything else. Myself, I consider this expensive for what you actually get. You look at the pictures on the menu, the meal looks appetizing, so you order it. When your meal comes to your table, it rarely looks like it did in the picture. But unless it looks gross, you'll probably eat it even if it doesn't look like the picture. Your meal is served to you not an a normal sized plate, but on an over-sized platter with enough food to feed a small family! Because of all the food you get, most folks think they are getting there money's worth. If you happened to order a breakfest, chances are most everything is soaked with butter or a butter like substance. If it's lunch or dinner, you may find it hard to find something that doesn't have large amounts of cheese or cream sauce in it. Or something that isn't fried. In short, no matter where you go, most menu items are drenched in fat. Even so-called vegitarian meals served have cheese, butter, mayo, etc... And people wonder why obesity is an panedemic?

Salads would seem a good choice, however, did you ever notice how most salads you order are made with primarily iceberg lettuce? Yuck! That has to be the worst; it doesn't taste good and it doesn't have much nutrients it in. They use it because it is cheap. Also, there's the matter of dressing; most choices are full of so much fat you might as well just order from the main selections.


Now, on to the issue of drinks. Most restaurants do not have a good selection of beverages to order. Commonly they have some soft drinks, tea, watered down over sugared lemonade, and water that tastes like, well, city water with ice in it. For kids, this isn't good; kids want drinks that taste good with their meals, so they aren't going to pick water. The soft drinks and lemonade often have too much sugar or are sweeted with nasty artifical sweeters such as aspartimine or corn syrup. Adults of course, also what good tasting drinks to enjoy with their meals. But even if you order an alcoholic drink, chances are their bartender won't know what it is or how to make it unless it's listed on the menu. What about wine or beer? Well, I don't know about you, but to me the adverage American restaurants wine tastes like it's been open for awhile and tastes as if it's started to go bad. Yes, the beer is fresh, but its next to impossible to get anything other than lite. What is up with that? I don't understand why people would be so conserned about a beer having a few more calories it in when their meal is bogged down with fat! When I do have a beer, I want one that actually has some body to it, and tastes like a beer, not watered down piss.

I used to enjoy going out to eat, but these days it seems harder and harder to find a decent restaurant. I find that the meals don't taste very good, are over sized, and over priced. Myself, I would rather have a really good tasting meal in a small portion even if I have to pay more for it. Where I live, I have to drive about 45 miles to eat at a one such "good restaurant"; for two people to eat dinner there costs about $60 to $80. Due to the cost and the long drive, I'd just assume fix my own meals at home. But I do understand that not every American has the time to do such, and that most people enjoy having a meal fixed for them. I can't fault people for that and I don't believe it has to do with being lazy. But I do wish my fellow Americans would not settle for the junk that is being served at the typical family restaurant. When most people think of junk food, they think of McDonalds and the like. But I would also inculde restaurants such as Applebees, Chili's, Cracker Barrel, as serving junk food...there are just more expensive.