Find a Man?

It seems to be assumed by many people that every woman wants and needs a man in her life, at least this is the impression I get. All the time I get people telling me that I'll find a man; that I'll one day get married again and settle down. They tell me that they feel sorry for me that I don't have a boyfriend. I'm sorry, when did they get to decide what I need and what would make me happy? First of all, I understand people maybe trying to be nice, but it is nevertheless insulting. I try to explain to people why I do not have a boyfriend, but it goes in one ear and out the other.

I believe it is very harmful to teach or otherwise give the impression to little girls that they need a man to take care of them when they are grown. It creates a learned helplessness and dependance. Not very many men are going to want to take care of a grown woman unless they are older rich men who want a trophy wife half their age. A lot of young women these days are under the impression that they need a boyfriend or husband to make their life complete and in order to be happy. This is not true, no one else can complete you or make you happy; that's something you have to do yourself. If you are not happy with life being single, just being in a relationship isn't going to change it. Too often people jump from one relationship to another without spending time being single and learning who they are. Many young people go from living with their parents into living with a boyfriend or girlfriend never having the opportunately to live all by themselves. And many people jump from one relationship into another without taking enough time for themselves. You have to get over a relationship before you can move onto another one, otherwise a part of you will still be holding on to that past relationship and you'll bring baggage into your new one. And if it was a very serious relationship, like marriage, you may never fully get over it; but you should still take time to recover, so to speak.

I don't need to be in (any) relationship to be happy or to feel good about myself. I am young and I have my whole life ahead of me. I took that road of "getting married and settling down" and it wasn't for me; I am not going to make the same mistake twice. Relationships can be wonderful and enrich your life, but they can also be stressful and time consuming. Yes, I may be selfish for wanting to look out for myself first, but that's just who I am and I make no apoligies. I have no intention of going out and looking for a relationship, no desire to have a boyfriend, and no plans on getting married again. If I happen to met someone in the future, so be it; chances are it will be a woman though. I have important things to do with my life. I want to do things that you simply cannot do if you are tied down (unless of course you are tied down with a like minded and freespirit). I want to be able to travel, pursue my own interests, continue my higher education, and have some impact on the world.

Girls and young women ought to be encouraged to go to college and start a career of their own and not be dependant on someone else. Because being dependant one someone else for your livelihood and/or your happiness can be a path to misery. But unfortunately, girls and young women are not only encouraged but often times expected to find a man and get married. I have nothing against marriage, but I do believe you ought to get married for the right reasons not because it's something you are expected to do.